I almost feel guilty writing this:  it won't get Obama elected, assist recruitment of progressive Democrats, or put Dubya in suspended animation for the rest of his term. It won't cure cancer, retire the world's nuclear arsenal, or put a damper on government corruption.

Instead I'm talking about getting mailed a speeding ticket for going 46 mph in a 35 mph zone discovered by a fixed-mounted speed camera I didn't know even existed.

I know, some of you (if you even bothered to read this far) are getting ready to comment about the world's smallest violin.  Can't say I really blame you.

There is a political dimension, however, actually more than one.

Special Report to Daily Kos

In a bold and stunning move, John McCain has announced that he will forego attending the 2008 Republican Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota, held during the first week of September.

"I have more important work to do," the GOP candidate stated in a press conference.  "My opponent may spend his time in Denver hobnobbing with his tiny number of elite supporters, but I will instead go among the people.  Besides, I hear the winters in Minnesota are very cold."

None of the three reporters at the press conference asked any questions, being too busy retrieving their jaws from the floor.

Bored?  Burnt out on politics but so addicted to dKos that you can't pull yourself away from the keyboard?  Here's something a little different.

You remember the old game of Association.  Person 1 says a word, name or phrase, person 2 says the first thing that comes to his/her mind, person 1 responds in similar fashion.  The chains can get very interesting.

dKos comments provide an convenient vehicle for the game.  Here's how it would work:  A root comment begins the chain, a reply to that comment contains the first association, and further replies continue the chain.

German Village, OH (Rotters)

This morning, Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain gave the most important foreign policy speech of his candidacy.

At Schmidt's Sausage Haus und Restaurant, before a moderately enthusiastic crowd estimated to be about six -- the McCain campaign believes it was closer to 45,000 -- Senator McCain gave his views on the foreign policy issues he believes will be faced by the next President.

"My first priority as President of the United States will be to win repeal of the Treaty of Versailles," McCain exclaimed, to thunderous looks of confusion from the audience.  "I always thought you Krauts got a raw deal," he said, "and I can promise the Weimar government that I will do everything in my power to restore Germany to its rightful place as the European leader in peace and in war.  Or was that in war and peace?  That sounds familiar somehow.  Whatever."

I would not exactly be dropping a bomb here to say that McCain is a terrible presidential candidate. He makes Bob Dole's 1996 candidacy look good.  Hell, sometimes he even makes Dubya look coherent by comparison.

We know it, the corporate media know it (even if they would never say so), and the Republicans know it.  Let me repeat that:  the Republicans know it.

So far, the GOP has groused internally, spoken without attribution, kept their best and brightest away from the McCain campaign, and bought a bunch of Scotch for a real bender in November.

But what if they actually tried to do something about their awful candidate?  Let's play out some scenarios below.

It'll happen tomorrow.  Trust me, I'm never wrong.  Except when I'm spectacularly wrong, and that only happens about 90% of the time.  So put your money on this.

Here's how it goes down:  McCain holds a news conference tomorrow morning, maybe around 6:30 a.m. (old people are known for getting up early, and Maverick McCain is not about to change his schedule for any damn press corps, y'er darn tootin!).

He's holding forth in front of a screen.  No, dummies, it's not another green screen, don't you think the McCain campaign is capable of learning anything?  This time it's a pretty blue and white screen, you know, the colors of Blue Cross Blue Shield.

Know Thyself – something to be aspired to, from the powerless to the powerful (though if those such as Cheney and Dubya truly knew themselves they might be tempted to slit their own throat).

But in the heat of argument and the lightning speed of comment exchanges, sometimes we lose track of who we are.  Well never fear, Dear Reader, your Humble Scribe is here to edify you as to some of the fascinating personality types inhabiting our slice of the blogosphere.

Come with me on a journey into the deepest recesses of our tortured minds.  You will gasp at the strange thought processes revealed.  You will laugh nervously when you see bits of yourself.  But mostly you’ll wonder why the diarist didn’t have anything better to do than put out this tripe.

John McCain has a problem with one of his associates.  This is a man Senator McCain has known for many years, a close friend and associate.  McCain talks with him frequently and probably has prayed with him. McCain even has sought his endorsement.  The Senator certainly must know of the outrageous views of this person.

And now Senator McCain's associate has said something that has people up in arms.

Now this McCain associate, known to his friends as Dubya, is causing big problems for the presumptive Republican nominee.

April 29, 2008

Attention: Republicans

Dear Deluded Person:

It has come to our attention that your party members are publicly stating, or have stated, falsehoods that are damaging the United States of America.

Your members are falsely and maliciously stating, inter alia,

1. That the U.S. invaded Iraq, causing the murder of thousands of U.S. troops and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens in order to prevent another 9/11 and to keep Sadaam Hussein from using supposed weapons of mass destruction against the U.S.

2. That said Iraqi citizens would strew flowers at the feet of our troops.

"Hillary-haters."  "Obamabots." Krugman-bashing.  Scorched-earth tactics.  "Judas." "Tonya Harding strategy."  "Greviously, morally wrong."  Daily Kos writers' strike.  "Won't vote for Clinton in the general."

Wow.  Some heavy Shakespearean fireworks over our big tent party.  But what does it mean for our future?

When the primary battles are over and the bodies left for the crows, when the Democratic nominee has gone on to give McCain such a shellacking that he makes Bob Dole look like a success, when the new POTUS begins to tackle the immense problems of Iraq, the economy, global warming and health care, all under continuous Republican sniper fire, will Democrats hang together or hang out separately?

Yes, me, personally.  All the campaign has to do is take my advice, which they steadfastly have refused to do throughout the entire primary season.  The gall, arrogance and idiocy of seasoned campaign operatives refusing the advice of someone who's volunteered for campaigns but has never been an insider!  With such stupidity it's amazing Obama has even come this far.

And after last night, well, there's never been such a devastating election loss for true Democrats in U.S. history.  Bush stealing the election in 2000 (and maybe 2004) -- hah, that's nothing. McGovern losing every state but Massachusetts to Nixon in 1972, a mere fleabite.  Lieberman taking Connecticut from Lamont as a surrogate Republican in 2006, hey, what are you all whining about?  None of these compare in tragedy to Clinton edging out expectations in Pennsylvania.  I've been wearing sackcloth and ashes all day.

Stupid me.  I had always thought that junk mail was a pox on our society.  I hated sorting through the piles of pre-consumer glossy paper that got shoved into my mailbox six days a week, and deplored the humongous waste of resources necessary to create these masterpieces of unsolicited salesmanship.

Boy, do I feel like a fool.  It turns out that junk mail is the backbone of our economy.  You don't believe me?  Just ask the U.S. Postal Service.  

You see, the USPS, with the help of the Direct Marketing Association, has been an active (and successful) player in challenging bills in state legislatures to create a Do Not Mail Registry, citing great economic hardship.

1. Everyone’s doing it; I can’t be left behind!

2. On January 3, it will turn out that all of the 145,000 or so Kossacks are Iowa residents and will show up at the Iowa Caucus.

3. Banging my head against the wall was working for a while, but now I need something even more pointless and painful.

Oh, it's the silly season here on dKos.  How delightful!  How entertaining!

The candihate™ diarists are coming out swinging, and boy do they have a lot to swing at!  There is a plethora of things they don't like, a virtual smörgåsbord of abuses by diarists and commenters alike.

Daily Kos is going to the dogs, they'll tell you (if you're a pootie-fan), or is starting to look like Redstate (meant to appeal to everyone).

Presenting, then, 25 things to hate about candidate supporters.

I'm not a Kosoholic.  I'm really not.  

I can stop blogging any time I want to.  

In fact, for the last couple weeks I pretty much did, doing just a bit of lurking and posting only the rare (and largely unnoticed) comment here and there when lots of other things got in the way.

And the result:  my two beautiful radio buttons morphed into a single ugly checkbox.  Mortification! Shame!  Fear!  Loss!  Depression.

Since this was on Olbermann last night I thought someone would diary it, but didn't see anything, and this is too juicy to pass up.

Judith Regan's lawsuit against Rupert Murdoch sets for 24 causes of action for defamation and a variety of other torts.  Exciting, fun, and full of potential for schadenfreude.  But for sheer delight, nothing beats this nugget from her complaint, referring to an allegedly defamatory article in the New York Post:

In fact, after the story was published, Mark Jackson (in-house lawyer), and lawyers for News Corp., admitted to Regan that the NEW YORK POST article was defamatory per se, but tried to assuage Regan's frustration by telling her that the admitted defamatory statements did not  matter because "no one believes what they read in the NEW YORK POST."

(Emphasis supplied)

Washington, D.C., Oct. 26 (crAP)--  Hard upon the heels of the news that FEMA Director Harvey Johnson gave a phony press conference with reporters played by FEMA staff, White House spokesperson Dana Perrino revealed that every White House press conference during the entire Bush administration has been a setup with FEMA employees playing actual journalists.

"You don't think that all those years of failing to ask the hard questions could really have come from real reporters, did you," Ms. Perrino said with a chuckle.

Last night, I went with my son, who is learning to drive, on a long, meandering driving tour of Baltimore and surrounding areas.  We covered a lot of ground, and because I was not the one doing the driving I had the leisure to pay attention to both my surroundings and my reactions to them (punctuated by the occasional "See that stopped car up ahead?")

Every place we drove through seemed to have resonance for me, a point connected to other points in space, time, and memory.  Here, the apartment my wife was living in when we were dating, there, the transition from working class urban to middle class suburban neighborhoods.

And there was a lesson for me (if not exactly an original one) in why many of our disappointing Democratic representatives vote the way they do.